Carry Me
by 1tskillingm3
Summary: "Would you tell me if it wasn't okay?" Iwaizumi asked. Oikawa's heart skipped a beat. 'No,' his mind whispered, 'No, because he would make you stop playing volleyball and go to the doctor.' Hmm… ignoring that thought(and it's implications) mused Oikawa. "Of course! What do you take me for?" he huffed instead.


At first, Oikawa truly didn't think of it.

Then it became something quiet but insistent that plagued the edges of his consciousness on and off the court. Oikawa refused to acknowledge it. Soon it would go away and he didn't want to waste his or anyone else's worry on something that would fix itself with time.

It didn't go away.

Oikawa frowned as he poked at his knee. It wasn't really hurting too much now that he was sprawled on his bed. That was good because it was much easier to tell himself lies about how there was nothing wrong when there weren't sharp stabs of pain stealing his breath away. To tell himself it was just the angle of the way he was laying that made one of his knees look like it might be a little bit bigger(swollen, his mind whispered) than the other. He was just being overly conscious of the changes in his body since puberty. This was nothing. This would go away. Because the alternative was just not something that he was willing to think about.

"You're actually home." Commented Iwaizumi in mock surprise wandering into his room without greeting or knocking like he lived there(which he almost did with how much he was over, Oikawa had eventually dedicated a couple of draws to his stuff. He'd feel weird except that Oikawa had a set of draws just like him at Iwaizumi's house), "Not trying to kill yourself via volleyball today?"

"Aw~! Did you miss me Iwa-chan? Don't worry, I'll remember to not deprave you of my beautiful face for so long next time." Oikawa grinned cheekily, designing to ignore the implications of that statement. Even if they were true. Especially since they were true. He'd had to come home early from his extra practice because the pain in his leg had gotten intense enough that he'd actually thrown up. He told himself he'd just eaten something funny so that he didn't feel guilty about needing to stop his extra practice and head back to rest…. He still felt guilty, but he refused to acknowledge why.

"Hah, who'd miss your ugly mug?" scoffed Iwaizumi crossing the room and Oikawa smiled serenely as he propped himself on his elbow. Now that they were back in safe territory where he was teasing and Iwaizumi was insulting he felt a little more at ease, "You finish your math homework yet?"

"Ugh, no I haven't even started it yet." Groaned Oikawa scrunching up his face at the realization.

"Good. I haven't either. We can do it together." Said Iwaizumi in a tone that left no room for argument. He dropped his bag on the floor as he plopped down on the lower half of the bed jostling everything. Then he paused and narrowed his eyes at his childhood friend.

"Oi, what was that?" demanded Iwaizumi.

"What was what?" blinked Oikawa in genuine confusion.

"You- made this face…" Iwaizumi trailed off uncertainly, haltingly. Oikawa tried not to let his eyes widen as he realized his mistake. He'd barely noticed the small spasm of pain that went through his knee when Iwaizumi sitting on the bed had moved it… but apparently something of it had showed in his expression.

"You making fun of my face Iwa-chan? You're so mean to me~!" sighed Oikawa dramatically hoping to divert his attention.

"Dumbass, I am serious here… are you- is everything okay?" rumbled Iwaizumi, his eyes lowering for a moment as he tried to process what he wanted to ask before snapping back to Oikawa's face. Watching closely for any hint of a lie.

"Everything is fine." Insisted Oikawa. And it was perfectly fine. Splendid. He has making reasonable progress in his training. A little soreness afterwards was to be expected! He didn't have to worry about Iwaizumi spotting a lie because he was telling the truth!

Iwaizumi's frown deepened.

"Would you tell me if it wasn't?" he asked. Oikawa's heart skipped a beat. _No,_ his mind whispered, _no, because he would make you stop playing volleyball and go to the doctor._

Hmm… ignoring that thought(and it's implications) mused Oikawa.

"Of course! What do you take me for?" he huffed instead.

"An idiot." Said Iwaizumi so instantly that it was almost more offensive.

"Meeeeeeean! Iwa-chan is such a bully sometimes! It's a wonder that the first years aren't all terrified of you." Complained Oikawa wrinkling his nose at his friend.

"Shut up dumbass, I get along with the first years just fine." Grumbled Iwaizumi though the tips of his ears were a little red. Oikawa knew that. In fact, Iwaizumi got along with the first years a little _too_ well if you asked Oikawa. They all looked at his childhood friend with flushed cheeks and starry eyes. It kinda pissed him off for some reason. Oh well~

"So are we going to do our homework or are you going to keep making cute faces over there?" teased Oikawa instead of voicing his thoughts.

"Oi, kusakawa! You coming?" called Iwaizumi after practice as the rest of the team trickled off to the lockers.

"Not today! You go on ahead Iwa-chan, I am just going to practice a few more minutes." Oikawa said cheerfully mopping his face with a towel before throwing back some water.

"A few more minutes? Want me to wait for you then?" asked Iwaizumi with narrowed eyes.

"No no, don't bother. Tell coach I'll make sure to clean up after myself." Oikawa said airily waving him off. Iwaizumi scowled at him and absentmindedly chewing on his lip. It was a little distracting.

"Just-" began Iwaizumi haltingly making the setter snap his attention away from his bitten mouth to his eyes, "Don't over do it, okay?"

"Yes, mom." Oikawa teased rolling his eyes. He got a water bottle chucked at his head that he barely dodged. But, well, practice makes perfect, right? And Oikawa had _lots_ of practice dodging things his friend chucked at him.

The cocky smile slid off his face the moment his teammates left the room. Oikawa stared down at the volleyball in his hands, spinning it a few times with no real purpose. He extended his leg slightly and flexed it experimentally. Jagged pain skittered up from it. Oikawa let out a long breath. In vain he tried to massage around his knee the way that he might it he had a sore muscle.

Truthfully, Oikawa could no longer deny to himself that nothing was wrong. The pain was too high and had been going on too long for him to pretend there wasn't an issue. Yet he couldn't make himself go to the doctor about it… for some reason that felt like defeat. And he really didn't want to hear whatever the doctor had to say about it either. The idea of someone professionally diagnosing the fact that he'd fucked up his knee felt a little bit like the end of the world to him. And if he hadn't truly messed up his knee, what then? He was just in terrible pain for no reason? No matter what the doctor was going to say Oikawa was sure he wasn't going to like it. No matter what the doctor decided was wrong he was sure that he would tell him he needed to stop playing volleyball and damn it he had worked so hard! And he was finally improving! He couldn't just stop now.

With that in mind, Oikawa approached the court again with the bin of volleyballs to practice his jump serve.

Toss, jump, **smack**. Toss, jump, **smack**. Toss, jump, **smack**.

Really, the pain in his knee wasn't so bad if he focused correctly. If he moved through the discomfort and past the discomfort it didn't hinder his range of motion at all.

Toss, jump, **smack**. Toss, jump, **smack**. Toss, jump, **smack**.

And at least now there was no one around and he could let out all the small whimpers and let his face twist in a wince as many times as he needed to.

Toss, jump, **smack**. Toss, jump, **smack**. Toss, jump, **smack**.

Just a little higher, just a little more centered, give the ball a little more spin…

Toss, jump, **smack**. Toss, jump-

"Ah-!" Oikawa choked out letting the ball fall and bounce away without ever connecting. He'd felt something give out in his knee on that last jump. When he tried to land his leg refused to hold his weight and he crumpled instead. Oikawa lay on his back trying to breathe properly but all his breaths came out short and choppy and generally insufficient. His hands clutched at knee to avail. It felt like someone had filled his veins with acid instead of blood. Burning, clawing, unrelenting agony skittered all through him.

He needed to call someone, he needed to get help. But everyone was gone and his phone was in his bag in the locker room. Even just barely shifting had his vision swimming and made him want to puke.

His concept of time was distorted so he wasn't sure how long he lay like that on the floor before he heard the gym door opening and a sharp intake of breath before suddenly there were running feet and someone was kneeling beside him cradling his face.

"Touru! Touru, oh god, please be okay." Iwaizumi said with a frantic edge to his low voice.

"Iwa-chan?" Oikawa blinked in confusion and relief, "What are you doing here?"

"I was waiting for you, but you were taking too long so I came to yell at- I mean, what happened?" demanded Iwaizumi.

"My knee… I can't stand on it." Said Oikawa swallowing.

"Shit, I thought it looked a little swollen today but I figured you say something if it was too bad." Cursed Iwaizumi.

"Aw, how long were you staring at my legs Iwa-chan?" Oikawa tried to tease weakly.

"Shut up idiot! This is serious! Do I need to call an ambulance?" demanded Iwaizumi his hands sliding from Oikawa's face to examine his knee. Oikawa choked on a breath as he moved it and his dark haired friend's eyes snapped up to meet his, Iwaizumi's brow creased with worry.

"No. I don't think anything is broken. I think whatever it is wrong is probably muscle or ligament related so we can probably wait until morning when the health centers are open to get it checked out." Sighed Oikawa honestly because there was really no point lying about how bad it was at this stage.

"Dumbass," repeated Iwaizumi, "Okay, stay right here while I clean up and then we'll go home."

"No problem, not like I was going anywhere on my own." Said Oikawa dryly. His friend ignored him and set about picking up volleyballs. Oikawa sighed, letting his head fall back against the floor as he stared blankly up at the gym ceiling. Just the fact that Iwaizumi was here and he was no longer stranded and alone calmed his panicked heart a bit and made the pain in his legs seem more manageable.

"Here," said Iwaizumi returning with their bags and kneeling next to him extending some pills and a water bottle towards him, "These should make the trip back a bit more bearable. Hopefully let you catch some sleep later too."

"Thanks." Breathed Oikawa gratefully sitting up with difficulty and taking the pills. He felt his friend's hand on his lower back keeping him steady.

"Think you can climb up on my back?" Iwaizumi asked seriously, taking back the water bottle and stowing it in his bag.

"I'll manage." Grimaced Oikawa to which the other nodded shortly. Haltingly, they got Oikawa's arms around Iwaizumi's shoulders.

"Sorry." Mumbled Iwaizumi at the small choked sound of pain he made when the other hoisted him up by his thighs.

"Not your fault." Said Oikawa closing his eyes and focusing on the calming smell of his friend's body wash, "Good thing Iwa-chan is so strong or we'd be in trouble."

"It would be a lot easier if you weren't so fucking tall." Grumbled Iwaizumi as they exited the gym and began walking.

"Don't be bitter just because you ended up short, Iwa-chan." Oikawa scolded teasingly.

Iwaizumi had several things to say about that, none of which were particularly nice. Oikawa laughed and they continued on in silence for a while.

"You act like such a selfish asshole sometimes, you know?" said Iwaizumi suddenly, hoisting him a little better.

"Such a flatterer." Laughed Oikawa, not raising his head from his neck.

"Shut it shittykawa, let me finish." Grumbled Iwaizumi in irritation, "I said you _act_ like a selfish asshole. And you've always been such a good actor that sometimes you even manage to fool me for a moment or two. But that's all it's ever been; an _act._ But honestly, the way that you are willing to throw everything away for the sake of others… For me, for your teammates, you classmates, those fans of your, heck even people you don't like very much like Kageyama or Ushijima, their needs always seem to come first. You're always thinking of everyone else, working harder for them, giving a little more of yourself. You're secretly so goddamn selfless it kind of pisses me off."

"Iwa-chan has such a backward way of complimenting people." Oikawa tried to comment lightly because if Iwaizumi kept talking like that he was going to start crying like a baby.

"I thought I told you to shut it till I was done?" snapped Iwaizumi, though Oikawa could tell he wasn't really mad. Or he was mad, but not about the current conversation, "You give so much of yourself that sometimes I worry there will be nothing left for you. And then what? How am I supposed to protect you when your biggest enemy is yourself?"

Craaaaaap, he really was going to cry.

"Didn't ask you to try and protect me." Mumbled Oikawa burying his face in his shirt and trying to keep his breathing even.

"Dumbass, as if I could do anything else." Grumbled Iwaizumi. Oikawa tried not to sniffle too obviously, but he didn't think he was fooling anyone.

They both fell silent as Iwaizumi reached his house and shuffled Oikawa so that he could get the door unlocked. His parents were already asleep so they didn't have to worry about any weird questions about why he was carrying Oikawa in at that time of night. Once they got to his bedroom Iwaizumi unceremoniously dumped him on the bed.

"Ow! Be gentle with the cripple!" complained Oikawa.

"And who's damned fault is it that it hurts?" Snapped Iwaizumi a little of his earlier furry creeping back into his voice as he turned and left the room quickly. Oikawa winced, okay he kind of deserved that one. Iwaizumi came back in clutching a first aid kit and an ice pack.

"Lean back." He ordered gruffly and Oikawa complied immediately leaning back on his elbows so he could still watch what was going on. For all his rough words and gestures, Iwaizumi was infinitely gentle as he carefully stretched his injured leg out. Oikawa was almost glad of the pain or he feared he would have gotten lost in the warm and reassuring touch of his friend's hand on his bare leg. _Almost_. He tried to stop the small noise of pain that bubbled up but he couldn't help it. Iwaizumi stopped immediately and mumbled softly, "Sorry…"

Oikawa almost said something dumb like 'I am fine' but that was what had gotten him into this mess…

"Just hurts." It was amazing how such a simple truth could be so hard for him to admit. His friend sucked in a soft breath at that before nodding stiffly and beginning to wrap his knee, tucking the icepack in so he wouldn't knock it off during the night.

"I think what really pisses me off," began Iwaizumi after a long silence, "Is that I didn't stop you. I _knew_ you were over working yourself. I _know_ how you get. _I know_ _you_ _, damnit._ It feels like if I had just been a little more dependable-"

"That is the stupidest shit I have ever heard." Interrupted Oikawa sitting up a bit feeling his own temper flare, " _You_ , of all people, not be dependable? What heresy, I will not hear such things come out of your mouth Iwa-chan."

"Oi-"

"No, it's you're turn to shut-up and listen Hajime." Said Oikawa. Iwaizumi's mouth snapped close at the use of his first name, "Don't you see? I depend on you for everything. Or maybe not for _everything,_ but knowing that I could is what gives me strength when stuff get hard. So don't. Just don't. I got into this mess on my own stupidity, I know that. It's my fault and my fault alone. None of it could _ever_ be yours."

"Even if you say that… I want you to be able to rely on me before you have no other choice. There won't be a next time, but… if something ever comes up, please _tell_ me before everything goes to hell." Sighed Iwaizumi releasing his leg and standing up.

"Okay." Agreed Oikawa, thought he didn't know if it was the truth or not. He hoped it was the truth. But old habits die hard so he wasn't confident in his ability to overcome his weaknesses. But maybe with Iwa-chan…

"Good. Tomorrow we'll go to the doctor and get that knee checked out." Said Iwaizumi firmly as he grabbed Oikawa and guided him back down under the covers.

"What if the doctor says I can't play volleyball?" the question was out before Oikawa could stop it. That small, frantic question that had been running through his mind ever since the first beginnings of pain appeared.

"He will say you can't play volleyball." Said Iwaizumi without hesitation, "And even if he didn't _I_ would tell you can't play volleyball. But not forever. Just until your knee get's better."

"But what if it never get's better?" Oikawa hated how vulnerable that made him sound. He hated how vulnerable he actually _felt._ Iwaizumi stared at him a moment before grabbing the edge of the covers and crawling into bed with him the way they used to when they were children. Except they were not small like children anymore and there was really no where to escape- especially with his wrecked knee- when Iwaizumi gathered him up and tucked him under his chin as if Oikawa wasn't the taller one.

"That would suck a whole lot." Stated Iwaizumi. Oikawa felt his eyes grow wide and then flutter almost shut. He appreciated that Iwaizumi didn't just dismiss his fears and tell him that he shouldn't worry.

"And-" continued Iwaizumi into the top of his head, "I know. Even though I wish you would have told me sooner, I know. This came about because you've been trying to do your best. You've been working really hard."

'Oh no, not again,' thought Oikawa as his eyes started to sting and his fingers tightened in the fabric of his friend's shirt.

"So don't think people don't notice. We can tell you've been working really hard, and believe me, we don't take it for granted. I don't take _you_ for granted." Finished Iwaizumi a little awkwardly.

"Iwa-chan is such a s-sap." Choked Oikawa pressing himself shamelessly close.

"Shut the fuck up." Growled Iwaizumi and Oikawa just _knew_ that both their checks were flaming. But still, Oikawa was caught a little bit off guard by the terribly _young_ part of him that seemed to be crying in relief because someone had noticed how hard he was trying and wasn't looking down on him or disappointed in him because of it. He didn't even know such a part of him existed. Then again, he really shouldn't be surprised; Iwaizumi brought out all the most embarrassing parts of him.

"What would you do?"

"hm?"

"What would you do if I could never play volleyball again?" mumbled Oikawa.

"Hah?! Why are you thinking about dumb things?!" huffed Iwaizumi japing him in the side.

"Just answer." Oikawa shot back squirming away slightly.

"I guess I'd stick with you? I don't know? I don't really want to think about it till we know what's going to happen." Said Iwaizumi.

"Oh." Oikawa's heart felt very fluttery.

"I mean, I play lots of other spots too and I enjoy them all. What makes volleyball special is that I get to play it with you." Shrugged Iwaizumi.

"Oh." Said Oikawa dumbly again.

"Oh my god are you crying again?" said Iwaizumi looking down right alarmed.

"No!" sniffled Oikawa a bit mortified.

"You _are_." Exclaimed Iwaizumi also sounding flustered.

"Not a word! It's only because you've been saying super embarrassing things all night!" Oikawa said punching him lightly. Iwaizumi responded by pulling his hair, "Woooow, mature Iwa-chan."

"Go to sleep shittykawa." Iwaizumi ordered roughly, though the hand that twisted into the setter's hair to pull his head back to his friend's chest was careful and almost tender.

"Yessir." Smiled Oikawa. He tried to forget about his knee a focus on the soothing way Iwaizumi was now absentmindedly stroking through his hair. The comfort of the strong arm that was draped casually over his waist. He felt his breathing slowly start to match the steadiness of the heartbeat he was pressed against.

His last thought before drifting to sleep was that he must have done something _really_ right in his past life to deserve having Iwaizumi Hajime as his friend in this one.


End file.
